Charismatic
Leadership
A How to Guide
David Tuffley
Published by Altiora Publications at Smashwords
© Copyright 2012 David Tuffley
Until ‘kings were philosophers or philosophers were kings’ there will be injustice in the world - Plato
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About the Author
David Tuffley PhD is a Lecturer and researcher at Griffith University in Australia. Leadership was the topic of his PhD. David has a broad range of interests; Anthropology, Psychology, Philosophy, Ancient and Modern History, Linguistics, Rhetoric, Comparative Religions, Architectural History, Environments and Ecosystems.
David Tuffley’s Profile & other eBooks: http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/tuffley
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Contents
2. Charisma & self-actualization
Introduction
Charisma is an over-used word in the 21st Century. It has come to have several meanings; a compelling attractiveness or charm that inspires devotion, or a divinely conferred power or talent [2]. This book concerns itself with how you can cultivate the character traits that lead to the first meaning.
Charisma can best be understood as an aspect of leadership, the ability to inspire people and make them want to help you realise your vision of the future. While every leader is unique, there are certain underlying qualities that all leaders have. This book presents those qualities. Learn these and in time you can develop your own personal charisma. It is an evolutionary process, not a radical overnight one.
Leadership is an intermediate step in the process. It begins with the very personal quest for self-actualization. Readers may be familiar with this concept from the work of the humanistic psychologist Abraham Maslow [3]. Self-actualization is the natural process of a person reaching their fullest human potential. Maslow recognized it as the highest need that humans have. A person only becomes aware of it when they have satisfied their intermediate and lower needs.
If you sincerely want to develop a magnetic personality, this book can help you towards that goal.
1. The nature of charisma
Charisma can be thought of as a subtle light that shines from within a person who is living their life to its fullest potential. People respond to this light and want it for themselves so they are drawn to that person. They perceive instinctively that here is someone who has reached an advanced state of self-realization and it is natural that they, the observer, should want that for themselves. After all, it is a human need to become the fullest expression of your human potential.
The qualities of a charismatic person can be summed up quite simply; they are positive (passionately, obsessively so), they see the potential in people and want to help them to achieve it, they envisage a bright future, and they are generous with their time and energies. While you might begin now to emulate these qualities to good effect, you should understand that they are a by-product of a larger process of personal development called self-actualization, a broad term covering many aspects of personality (this will be explored in detail in a later chapter).
Being charismatic relies on a person having the emotional intelligence to know how to communicate with people at an emotional level, making a deep, instinctive connection that is not possible at a purely rational level. Emotional intelligence can be a difficult skill to master for people who operate principally on the intellectual level. It involves understanding one’s own emotions, how to harness them to solve problems, and how to manage and regulate one’s emotions and those of others. In our evolutionary past, going back hundreds of thousands, even millions of years, our primate ancestors operated largely on the emotional level. Emotions are generated by parts of the brain that existed long before those areas that evolved more recently which allow us to think objectively.
The foundation of emotional intelligence is the successful integration of your emotions with your rational mind, making you an integrated whole person. In a sense, it is the integration of the ancient human with the modern human. In broad terms, this involves (a) recognising the emotion, (b) accepting that the emotion exists and is valid, (c) understanding what the emotion is telling us and why, then (d) regulating or managing the emotion so that it comes under the control of the rational mind.
Empathy is the aspect of emotional intelligence that tells us what other people are feeling and perhaps thinking. Empathy is how groups of ancient humans were able to cooperate and adapt in the evolutionary environment. Their survival often depended on it. Charisma needs a strong empathic link to work.
Combine emotional intelligence with a strong sense of purpose and the ability to communicate and you have the makings of a powerfully charismatic person. I’m talking purpose so strong that it burns like a flame and animates your every action. This is purpose invested with powerful emotion that is being constructively channelled. People today instinctively recognize and respond to it just as much they would have in our evolutionary past.
Strong purpose confers on you an air of certainty, and of course the derived confidence that goes with it. Most people are not so confident as this but would like to be so when they encounter someone who does seem to have confidence, they feel like becoming an ally so they can indirectly benefit from the charismatic person’s confidence.
Charisma also seems to be an aspect of being self-less. The person engaged in a crusade for a good cause is endowed with a certain aura that others perceive as charisma. The philosopher Daniel Dennett rightly says that the secret of happiness is to find something more important than yourself and devote your life to it. Dennett is talking about being happy. It is not too much of a stretch to understand happiness as a strong sense of satisfaction and fulfilment from working tirelessly for the greater good. This is a characteristic of the self-actualized person.
A strong sense of purpose comes from transcending your egoic self and putting yourself at the service of something greater. The selfish ego will not like being diminished and will struggle to reassert itself, and therein lies the battle. The ego can be understood as a survival mechanism that evolved in humans to formulate survival strategies. As useful as the ego once was, today it is an impediment to a person’s progress towards self-actualization. The ego is fundamentally selfish because its primary purpose is to ensure its own survival.
Ultimately though, charismatic people have found a way to transcend their egos to some extent and put themselves to work in the service of some greater good.
Charisma is about communicating on an emotional level in ways that connect with the emotions of an audience. The ancient Greeks understood this; the art of Rhetoric became an essential skill to be learned by any educated person. Listen to a recording of any great orator and you will hear their consummate command of rhetoric. Repetition is a favourite technique.
For example, Winston Churchill’s we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills … the phrase we shall fight is repeated many times to emphasise the determination of the British to warn the invading Germans this would be no easy task.
John F. Kennedy’s Ich bin ein Berliner speech likewise uses repetition to create an emotional bond between the besieged West Berliners and the American people. Martin Luther King’s I have a dream speech also uses repetition to very good effect. Many would recognize that all of these speakers were charismatic, each in their way. They each had a powerful message to communicate and they knew how to connect with the emotions of the audience.
This requires rhetorical skills that can be learned (see Appendix for list of rhetorical devices). At the verbal level, charismatic people have a rhythmic, almost hypnotic way of speaking that expresses deep conviction. At the non-verbal level, it means possessing a calm dignity, poise. Nothing perturbs you. This is a powerful combination; an emotionally charged message, calmly delivered.
Charismatic people have gravitas (weight, seriousness, dignity, or importance). It makes them seem reserved and virtuous. People are attracted to mystery, particularly when it is coming from a background of simple virtue. Think of how Churchill, Kennedy and King all had a simple, virtuous aim. Their point was clear, anyone could grasp it, so compelling that it would be hard to disagree.
When you show that there is more to you than meets the eye, but you have no desire to display it, people are intrigued. They are drawn to you because they want to know the ‘secret’ that lets you be that way. It is good practice to not reveal too much of yourself to the world because familiarity breeds contempt in all but your nearest and dearest.
When someone tries to get your attention, pause a moment before looking at them. You turn when you have finished your current train of thought. This calls for careful judgment, wait too long and you appear rude, turn too quickly and you appear nervous.
A steady but non-threatening gaze also contributes to the appearance of charisma. When meeting a person’s gaze, you are not the one who looks away first. If it become a staring match, you might decide to continue, or to break the gaze by looking past the other person at something behind them as though this is what you were actually looking. The important point is to not look down or to either side, as this implies submission to a dominant other.
There are many books and courses available on the market today that promise to teach you how to be charismatic, the easy way. Some of these have value, while others are merely a set of glib techniques that teach you how to fool people into thinking you are charismatic (the fake it till you make it approach). In other words, they teach how to outwardly project yourself in certain ways, but without telling you how to transform your inner self so that you naturally project those qualities.
The process takes months and years, the rest of your life perhaps, but that is fine, it is the journey that matters, not some perfect destination. Perfection can never be fully attained, only approached ever more closely. Do not be discouraged though, early encouraging results can be expected.
If months and years seem too long to wait, remember that in five years or ten years you will still be five years or ten years older regardless of how you spend that time, always assuming you live that long.
The best use of your time now is to invest it in something that will bring you long-term benefit, not short-term gratification. Can you honestly think of anything better than becoming a self-actualized, high-achieving, happier and more fulfilled version of the person you are now, someone living at their fullest potential?
2. Charisma & self-actualization
This book argues the position that while charisma is perceived as the result of certain outward behaviors, true charisma comes from within the heart and soul of a person who is reaching their fullest potential as a human being. This heightened level of awareness has been called enlightenment, awakening, Satori and many other labels. But these have connotations of mysticism that people in the rational 21st century are uncomfortable with. So let us call it self-actualization, the name given to it by humanistic psychologist Abraham Maslow.
The achievement of self-actualisation is recognised by Maslow as a human need; the ultimate destination of the evolved human. This need asserts itself once we have satisfied the lower-order needs for food, shelter, sex, then middle-order needs for safety and security, then love and belonging, and then the higher-order need for self-esteem. Self-actualisation comes next.
The annals of various religions tell us that a person can achieve enlightenment with only some or none of the higher and middle order needs being met, and with only the barest of lower-order needs like food and shelter being satisfied. This is more difficult, requiring you to become an ascetic recluse and engage in mortification of the flesh in order to free yourself of these normal human needs. I am definitely not recommending mortification of the flesh. Our body is not an impediment to self-actualisation.
Characteristics of self-actualized people
Self-Actualized (SA) people, whoever they are and whatever the circumstances of their lives, tend to approach life in recognisable ways that can be described and perhaps emulated. This chapter does not prescribe specific behavior; rather it paints a portrait of the generic self-actualized person that the reader can use to model their own behavior in whatever ways make the most sense to them.
Your challenge is to make the effort to understand each characteristic at a deep level, and find a way of applying it in your own life. Thus it becomes your own, unique way, 100% yours, completely authentic.
This process is likely to takes years, so it is important to adjust your expectations. On the plus side, there can be no greater journey that a person can take than the one that leads to the fullest expression of their human potential.
Experience life wholeheartedly, now
Self-Actualized (SA) people throw themselves unreservedly into the experiences that come their way. They do not hold back. They concentrate on the experience to the exclusion of all else. They do not think, oh this could be better, or I wish I was somewhere else. They see each moment as perfect in its own way. Recognizing this allows you to then experience the moment wholeheartedly.
See it from an investment point of view. We all know that we receive to the extent that we contribute. By investing fully in the moment, you receive from the moment in equal measure, thus heightening the experience.
There is strong correspondence here with the Buddhist practice of Mindfulness in which you are fully present in the Now moment. Your heightened awareness allows you to fully experience each moment on the understanding that every moment is the best moment.
Mindfulness is cultivated by observing one’s own mind. It leads you to dwell in the present, which is the only time and place where life can actually be experienced. The past can only be remembered. The future can only be anticipated. Neither is real in the way that the present is real.
An important element of this present moment awareness is to have a judgment-free mind-set. Judgment creates categories, imposes values. We can get so lost in those thought processes that we are no longer experiencing the reality of the moment, instead a rather tangled mental construct.
Being fully aware, SA people understand that life is a series of moment-by-moment choices between safety (out of fear and need for defence) and risk (for the sake of progress and growth). You consciously make the growth choice many times a day.
Your primary reality is a rich inner life
Self-Actualized people transcend socially-defined modes of thinking, feeling and acting. They let their inner experience tell them what they truly feel. They do not follow the opinion of the crowd for its own sake, not having much faith in the collective wisdom of the individually ignorant. As harsh as that might sound, the mentality of the crowd usually resides at the lowest common denominator.
SA people live rich inner lives which they recognise as their primary reality. The outer world is their secondary reality. Hence they tend to socialise with those who do not demand sacrifice to group-norms as the price of friendship.
The need for social acceptance and a sense of belonging can lead people to think and act in conventional, group-defined ways. To gain the security of belonging to a group, you usually have to sacrifice your independence of thought, your autonomy, to the group norms.
The SA person transcends the herd mentality and the need for social acceptance, recognizing that such acceptance is a method of control. Society reinforces behavior through approval, and limits other behavior though disapproval. Approval and disapproval are two sides of the same coin. The SA person acknowledges the need for a well-ordered society, but also knows that what was correct in the past may not be correct today. The world has changed since then, and new ways are needed in order to evolve society. The SA person, with their conviction and vision of the future is therefore perceived to have charisma.
Honesty with oneself
It takes courage, but Self-Actualized people look honestly at themselves and take responsibility for who and what they are, and what happens in their life because they have come to be able to see the cause-and-effect links between what they did in the past and what is happening now. Likewise they consciously create a desirable future by creating the causal event now that will result in that future.
Thus they avoid feeling like a victim and remain empowered.
Delusion is the enemy of self-actualisation. Being attached to an incorrect belief leads to suffering, yet so many people operate this way. Looking around in the world, it is rare to find people who do not use delusion as a coping mechanism, but SA people recognise that delusion is ultimately self-defeating. Ask yourself, am I ready to hear criticism, even though it will be painful?
SA people have a superior ability to reason, to perceive the truth. They are realistically oriented with an efficient perception of reality extending into all areas of life. They are not frightened by the unknown.
SA people see the truth of the world, recognising the flawed and temporary nature of objects and ideas. They clearly see the cause and effect relationships that connect the events of the world.
Listen to your own tastes
Self-Actualized people are prepared to be unpopular if necessary. As mentioned previously, the need for social acceptance can lead one to compromise one’s principles for the sake of getting along.
SA people understand that while compromise on minor issues is often necessary and unavoidable, there is a line that must not be crossed.
Know thyself
Self-Actualized people ask themselves who am I, what am I, what is good and what is bad for me, where am I going, what is my mission in life?
Opening up yourself in this way means recognising where your defences and blockages are -- and then finding the courage to give them up.
SA people consciously live their lives in the ways listed above and so they allow their leadership potential to emerge and become established.
The opposite of this is the uncritical mind-set of the person who cruises along through life, making choices based on comfort and security and the conventional wisdom of the society in which they live. They do not know themselves; they are too focussed on what the outside world thinks.
Accept the world as it is
Self-Actualized people see human nature as it really is, and comes to constructive terms with it. They know that it cannot be changed through wishful thinking.
They have rid themselves of the torments of the past. Whether they have hurt others or been hurt, they make amends and resolve firmly to never repeat that behavior. They know that unresolved guilt and shame is a cancer that eats away at their character. Living in the Now helps them to leave the past behind and not re-live it every day.
They enjoy themselves without regret or apology, and have no unnecessary inhibitions.
SA people have realistic or low expectations, so they are rarely disappointed.
Original & unorthodox
Self-Actualized people are unhampered by convention. Their ethics are autonomous, they see themselves as individuals, and are motivated towards continual improvement.
SA people respond to situations appropriately because they perceive the situation clearly and act accordingly, not by replaying a standard response from their behavioral repertoire.